Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
