i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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