Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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