my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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