Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
