I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
