You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
