Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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