we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
