my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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