And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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