Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
