Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
