I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
