U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
