I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have fence marks all over my body
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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