Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
