omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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