I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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