idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
