real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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