I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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