I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
love makes seman taste better
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
