Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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