It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
