Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
