PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
