I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Floor bacon is actually really good
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
