I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You are a genius and a whore.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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