My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
