So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
