please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
