I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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