It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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