Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
