Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
