i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
