Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
