So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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