Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
