it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
