I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
