i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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