Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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