I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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