I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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