i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
