you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The struggles of a small town man whore
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
