Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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