I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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