Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
