My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
