i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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