I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
