lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
