I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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