I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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