Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?

(505): View more from New Mexico

The responsible thing...show them the break room.

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(804): View more from Virginia

NEVER shave your cleavage hair.

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(314): View more from Missouri

not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now

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(240): View more from Maryland

i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.

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19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Read it at the TFLN blog
(513): View more from Ohio

I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration

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(847): View more from Illinois

Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"

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(917): View more from New York City

Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene

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(816): View more from Missouri

Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.

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