you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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