The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.