I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!