Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?