In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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