Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
