you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...