I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She has the best kind of daddy issues