Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
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Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
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my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today