I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
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What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
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5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.