And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
